Sheer disappointment

i loss again... another bronze finish, in other word, failure. To be very honest, i thought i had win it... But clearly, referees might had see what i could not... The moment the arm of the referee raised towards the opposition, my heart sunk deep into no where... I was stunned. Walking dejectedly away, i was lost in the crowd. I knew i had loss but somehow i had no facial expression besides shock. I dared not to look to Sir Tan...surely, i had disappoint him yet again....Walking past him, who was being a judge, and was the one in charge of this ring.... He must be ashamed to have me as his student. My friends were, as usual, dared not to speak to me since they knew i might be in a moody mode... Yet one of the recent promoted black belt said...'You're so different today than normally u perform in center'. A hot, prickly feeling of shame spread from the top of the me all the way down my body.... Did i just embarrassed myself out there? Did i really....performed unlike-usual standard? Even my sister did not say anything when she saw me...nothing but a sigh... Such sheer disappointment, such cold disappointment were far worse than anything... Then, my right leg seemed to be in pain...I looked at it, impossible...how can i loss....and how can i... not feeling sad? Was i? From the very moment of the result....disgusted of my frequently failures...and had already gave up on myself? But still, nothing can compared to this loss... Reason? that was simple.... He wasn't really that good at all...however, given that i had loss to him, i really should just shut up then... It always easy to do the talking...