A Failure....I am

I had no idea why suddenly i am filled with all kinds of sad emotions. Every sad memories crush out of my inner heart.... from deep down of my heart....the darkness....The fearful memories and I hold my tears... I am not crying now.... not until i crush my failures.....myself!!! The time roll back to the way way back, to the moment i was just form 1.... I was forced to transfer to Penang as my father was transferred there. I was powerlessly and helplessly accepted the decision, though i argued that i can lived here alone... I was unable to convince my parents and the moment i walked out of my class...i failed to let them knew about it...and the moment they knew, tears were shed, i could do nothing, nothing really, but comfort them. I cried after i left the school....I was unable to stop them from being sad...total failure. The time dimension move ahead.... It was some period in form 2, i was hurt by a couple-one was my good friend and another was the one i admired back then... I realized that friendship was not something to fully believed it; friends were just some tools. The period of form 2 to form 3, my mum was robbed in front of house. I personally saw it... helpless and powerless i was back then.... Mum and sister screaming for help.... I cried that night of my powerlessness. Form 5, i loss in sparring competition. Failure, failure and yet another failure!!!! I was just a useless piece of shit. Thats why i decided to join taekwondo.... not actually to protect myself... instead my objective was to protect my family, all my loved ones.... And this sparring competition will provide me the perfect stage for me to show that i am no more a failure! I will stand as the winner, at the place i fell humiliatingly last year. I will be cruel, heartless whatever as long as i win it....People can call me as a cheater by trying to cut down weight to compete at a lower category, but that won't stop me still. My will to win the gold medal is now more than anything, and i would do whatever, from training to diet to gym training to cruel bull fighting. I want to pick myself up from the garbage bin....It has been long in there...time to fight back... like a man, no tears don't cry! If want to protect someone, then just protect...get rid of those blocking your way...even throw yourself to the front line....and face it with guts! Fear no one but yourself!!! Kill no one but the enemy!!! When you have complete your task, no one will question you ever again.... and you are then the hero from the zero!!!