Facing the mirror...the truth

Rushing back to my house, there was nothing i can do.... Pressure rising and seriously i took all the blame as i should! I knew it was all my fault, Laziness took over me from the start of the year, yet i was constantly confidence-boost, always believed in myself....knowing i can do better next time! But is that the case? It is now going to September, i am running out of time, and the worse come to worse....little by little, my confidence is teared into pieces. Everything... starting from taekwondo... all in a sudden, i lost my confidence offensively...too many mistakes and lack of confidence when attacking. Then, comes to the result of my math common test 3.... I will tell the truth, i only managed 8 out of 45. Laugh out loud!!! i know you all just can't resist it...And stop being hypocrite that when asking me about the result of it, acting to be sad and then laugh like a mad dog barking over every cat and dog passing by....when they know of my result. Limit...I have one,...self pride...ego i have it all.... but now i am throwing it all away. I know nothing, and i have nothing...nothing understand?! I hate my past....and possibly my future. Now i have mixed feelings...I can't really trust anyone to the full extent at all... i doubt everyone...even myself now! What am i made of... After having a short but beneficial conversation, i understood that nothing came as free. You just have to work for it, fight for it... although sometimes people just look at you from different perspective and scold you for that....Lastly, forgive me not being able to trust you 100% yet....the painful memory of my best friend betraying me is always fresh in my mind.... I have little memory of whether or not i told u about this...what ever it is... even though i do not mention about it...even though i said i would not mind of it....that is just my way of trying to show more confidence, more faith in you....hope you understand, and do not misunderstand my meaning.... I have no rights to stop your doing, nor do i have any to tell you what you should do....Just keep in mind that i am allowing you to edit my painful memory....and just hope i have made the correct decision, and instead of losing both....this time i can have both.....

我放不过我自己
转一圈回到了原地
眼泪是一种提醒
让一切残影归零