2009....goodbye 2008

It is 12am already when i am writing this post, meaning today is the last day of 2008...As I thinking about 2008...It was bitter. Yea, bitter. Everything...except my SAM result, ended in the other way i hope for. Those things...mean a lot for me...but why? Haiz, it is really stupid for me to complain about it all over again right isn't it? Reflecting back....Sparring Competition...was the one i hated myself so so much.That, i guess, should be my last United Sparring Competition for me. Anyway, if i am to really reflecting back every moment that i regret of...that will mean that i will have a sleepless night...or maybe day. Lets talk about now then should i?.... Actually, recently...i just had another mood swing of mine...when i was working... you know...at some point...i felt angry, and frustrated working there...at some point,I hated myself for working there, at some point...I regretted of my decision of working there...I HATE WINDMILL!!!!! T.T I was so helpless....lonely....any negative description...u named it! I losses everything since working in windmill...why? WHY!!!! I try to be nice all the time, but there are times that i could not have anywhere or anyone to go to...and could only save it for myself...i am so heavy heavy....and just when i not smiling anymore...everyone hates me for having another mood swing...You know? It is really hard to do everything on your own. I can't handle my feelings well... I don't know what will happen after tonight...but i hope that I can just get some rest...should be well-deserve...how long? I don't know, really...1 day? 2days? or forever? Haha, it sounds so stupid....so unfair for my family...you know...i heard a song...i think maybe i heard before somewhere...but...suddenly i listen to it...tears flowing out.

Selena - Dreaming of You lyrics

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly...

吴克群 傻瓜...Wu Ke Qun...stupid

其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说
其实别人的招数我们都懂
故作软弱撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭
傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留
傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

I would not make a translation for this post....
This post was made specially for a friend of mine, telling this person to wake up...and get on with it. That the partner was not worth to be cried of...after doing such hurtful stuffs.

Back to me... Nicholas...(waiter in Windmill) had left...well he will only came back on 31st for the last time...all chinese staffs and Lokman and Chris went to a 'kopitiam'...to eat supper and chat. Now, most people...mostly waiter and also food-runner will be going back to school...meaning most people will be leaving for study. Me too, maybe like 21st of Jan...after the management of Windmill need to close account to calculate our salaries. I will definitely be outstation by 10 of February...given that i had an orientation program on that date. I need to work my visa now...,settle my accommodation there and get my flight ticket booked. Ok, have to go... Oh yea, i can't make it to the countdown reunion in the kindergarden...have to work...sorry meng yee.

A really happy day

WOHHH!!!! I was so happy...because i had a really nice day with Kit Yee. This was our first time going out since we splited...or should i said...since i went to Shanghai.We went to The Curve. We went to Cinepleasure...and the 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' was so so cute and funny! Everyone just keep laughing and laughing, so were Kit Yee and i. After that, we went out trying to get ourselves a lunch...and we walked into Vivo...some kind of Secret-Recipe-type shop...well...that was according to Kit Yee. We went shopping after that, and i bought her a big dog...hehe. I told her it was for a girl...a good friend but i didn't say it was for who...though she asked for few times haha...i made her choose the one she liked the most...saying that girls should thought alike haha....To make her not realizing it was actually her...i had to act more....at first, i said i had something to do at night...then after a while i told her i had taekwondo la...haha, GOTCHA!!! She will definitely thought it was for a girl i knew in taekwondo...hehe. A while more, I fetched her back. After stopping in lobby (she living in nice condo), i told her that i had something that i had to passed back to her...as i was not the actual owner of it....She asked whether or not it was big or small thing...i replied...'small'. I guessed she thought i was going to handled the little dog she gave me during the Prom Night. But instead...i took the bigger doggie and gave her...with the small thing i said earlier...a necklace... This necklace i had kept for a while...it had been along me when i was having some ups and lots of downs... It might not be the most beautiful necklace ever...but i fell in love with it at my first sight...and i bought it down straight away just second day of my Shanghai trip... To be honest, every night before i went to sleep during those Shanghai days, i would always holding it and looked at it....smiled before i put it back and had my rest. But i had truly believed it wasn't for me...it was for Kit Yee...and i knew that. She was worthy of the necklace...and no other else...and for the words that was on the necklace...'Caesar loves Kit Yee'...that was my love declaration...who would have thought we split afterward...for God sake. Thank you for today dear....even though we split...you still willing to spend a day for me alone...that was the best i could had hoped for...and today was the best Christmas present ever...;) I hoped you will always hug the dog tight as you did in The Curve...and hang it with the necklace...if you are not wearing it...which is very understandable. Thanks for everything dear...

很想说...I want to say

很想说 by 李圣杰 ( I want to say ...by...ling jun jie )

woo~ you are so beautiful to me
在午夜里你永远最美
连你一个微笑也都会让我醉
你所谓的幸福我想给
以为手不放开就是痴心绝对太愚昧
难道笑容没了距离有了快乐也走了
还是真心死了彼此不信任了终于懂了真的
很想说有你是幸福的
很想说我的心是你的
很想说你真的误解了
很想说你真的忘记了 my love
笑容没了距离有了快乐也走了
还是真心死了彼此不信任了
终于懂了(终于懂了)真的(真的)
很想说有你是幸福的
很想说我的心是你的(是你的)
很想说你真的误解了
很想说你真的忘记了(忘记了)
很想说会好好疼你的
很想说爱你是自由的
很想说你是否听见了
很想说你真的忘记了爱了
就有坚持理由(就有坚持理由)
别说我会留在路口不会走 ho woo (爱你会直到最后)
很想说有你是幸福的
很想说我的心是你的(hey aaa)
很想说你真的误解了(八八)
很想说你真的忘记了(阿 ha)
很想说会好好疼你的
很想说爱你是自由的(八八)
很想说你是否听见了
很想说我们可不可以复合


You are so beautiful to me...
Whenever you smile,I will be in wonderland.
The happiness you want...i hoping to to be the one giving you
The thought of not letting you go is a selfish act..is so foolish
I want to say that you will be happy
My love is all yours
I want to say that you might have misunderstand
Maybe you have just forget my love
I want to say i will love you more
i want to say that i love you on my own will
Do you hear me?
I want to say that you forget about my love
I have the reason to continue...
Don't say that i will not make any decision...
I will love you to the end
Do you hear me now?
Can we be couple again?

Christmas Eve

Today is Christmas eve already...but i will have to work from 2pm to 1am possibly...haiz it will definitely be a tiring day for sure. The arrival of Christmas means that another year is just around the corner... I guessed i had used up all the luck of my year 2008 that i had been so unlucky and sad and weak in December all in a sudden. Normally i love December the most....but this year...? Not really. Never mind though... i had finally receive unconditional offer from ANU ( Australia National University ). This was like a dream come true, but that will mean that....I will be leaving here for Australia... Not that i am so patriotic that i don't want to leave my motherland... To be perfectly honest....i hope to go to United Kingdom....and ever since December it suddenly had replaced my first choice ANU... Yesterday even though i knew i had got the offer...i wasn't really too happy...I even argued with one of the waiter...Stupid Rama...cheh... Not only that, taking orders for few tables of girls(just girls!!! and quite beautiful too)...but i don't really have any special feelings... Talking about those girls...there was one table that just liked to make fool of me...all Chee Ming (a food runner) fault...taking order when he don't even know...and called me to take the order...even before my working hour started....In the end, i had to take the orders all over again...and there was when the girls started to bullied me...T.T Then when i was called to take another order of a table(2 girls sitting)....idiot Christopher...want me to take her number...what the hell was he thinking? He said...that since i had lost mine...I should just go find one....zzz...cheh, i don't think i lost mine already...i hoped this was just a period when we cooled down a bit...probably... haiz... Back to the topic...Christmas Eve...do people always wish for something in this day? I don't really have any wish though. I don't really want anything too high class all those stuff...simple and sweet is all i want...wait! Maybe...there is one...present that could mean everything for...me.

....I just hope that..... she will be back....we will be back...together....
This might be a selfish wish... I should respect her decision...but...I am going to burst with all the thoughts about her....filling me up constantly...

21st

Yesterday had passed...rather normally, nothing special at all... Haiz, back in the past, 21st had always been a day i looking forward to. Even so, 21st will always be the day i will remember for life...that day, might not be the happiest day of my life, but is definitely one of those. August...might as well be my wildest month of whole year then...and those months that followed, were just getting better. Now, it had gone this far... I don't know what else I could have do to make 21st special anymore... I had lost the opportunity, was i stupid or not in the past...when i thought that celebrating it 21st for every month was so troublesome. Now, even though i could have plan anything and everything for 21st....that person isn't there anymore. I will remember all this numbers....8, 21, 10, 19... all this numbers will bring special meaning to me now and again... I thought i had able to control my feelings...or should i said...being feeling-less at times...but looking back at the first email i sent you.... I was human after all....

Blow to left foot

Oh well...yesterday i wrote that i felt kinda weird of my left foot, felt pain when twisted like that...but since no blue-black i thought might not be any problem...How stupid can i be... I woke up today only to find that there was a big blue-black spot just in front of my ankle. Well, i realized it after i felt extremely pain when i tried to stand up...which i fell back down onto my bed afterward. I couldn't believed it...I had to miss today training after all...and worst was that i was struggling when i was working, couldn't walked nicely...walking like a 70-year-old uncle holding a stick...(of course i don't have a stick,could not imagine that happening). Now, i felt much better though....i think maybe i have get used to it already...but i think the most is dangerous thing for me now is that when i walk up some stairs or what...those that have all the step-up thing... Back in the past...when i was injury free...i used to stand with just half of my foot on those steps.... I almost fell down from the stairs just now for doing that...my injured left foot just could not sustain my mass i guessed...Just hoped at night the business will not be that good....haha am i even a good worker? Cursing the restaurant he is working at...haha....

Rush

Well...Today, after finished my shift at 3pm...i ran all the way back to my house before driving full throttle to Kong Hoe. Hell....I was stuck in an-hour-jam midway...and luckily i got there just in time...for my first sparring of the night...against the red belt! Bullshit!!! Well, i said that because he was really like a bull...and he almost hit the shit out of me...no...should said the urine out of me...damn...i don't know when and how he hit me...but i thought he hit me at my...private part...so damn pain that almost in the end of my fight....i felt so uncomfortable to fight already... But never mind...then the second bull...this time i was with another black belt fellow to fight him 2 on 1....well....it was kind of ok ok nia....nothing to much to say about that....ohhh and the last sparring was the special one....the person was taking 3rd Dan test...so ya....he was up against me and? Edmund!!! wakakaka...when i stood up and ran to Edmund, i knew that guy was really going to get some real shit already...Looking at my right....there was also another pair of senior against another fellow....His opponent? Worse!!!! Up against Wen Yan and Howard!!! 2 third Dan senior...'He is so dead...'that was my thought at that moment. Then, the sparring started...and Edmund and I really just whacked the hell of him...He had been cornered, helplessly standing there...trying to counter our attacks....but i guessed in the end he liked gave up in that and just....kicked by us...continuously. There was one funny thing...when he finally found a space and broke free of us... Edmund tried a back swing on him....which he dodged...and me? Thinking of chasing him, i skipped into him, attempting to do a skip turning kick... The result of it? I was in the opponent position and I was really lucky enough that Edmund back swing just kind of like touched my hair...and maybe turned my head a bit... I moved back...shaking my head....then i looked back...What the hell? That opponent had completely ignored me...Edmund was all his sights was about i guessed... I walked to his side....damn...he still didn't noticed me.... Fucking shit...I was in rage...and i straight gave him a direct turning kick into his stomach, shouting...'hey watch me!'(in mandarin of course) There continue our domination of the sparring....he just kept whacked and whacked....Master Tan or maybe someone else...i didn't really know...but i guessed was Master Tan's voice....was beside me...i guessed...and kept saying 'softer,softer' and 'pam' there was it, my turning kick hit his forehead at full force...which was the result of him looking at Edmund only and maybe...neglected me haha...so ya...hit his head...not really my intention, my legs were completely out of control, my mind was probably very frustrated and maybe i was kind of like releasing all my frustration on him? Haiz, but was i really had no feeling anymore? Haiz,stupid, if really i have no emotions...i should be glad, and not dropping tears now and again so so easily...Well, my left foot kind of twisted now...felt kind of weird....just let it be la

Boring off day

Today was my first off day and it was also a boring one....Yesterday i felt so sick...maybe it was all because i woke up at 6.10am....thought wanted to go to Taylors... I slept at 1am tat day itself....5 hours sleep....I felt so dizzy during my night shift, haha i even can't walked properly. Chris and Nicholas constantly asked me whether i had any problems....Perhaps i was just so quiet and like to sit alone in a corner. I had heard something of Grace and Syalizah conversation too...They were saying i had a problems...i guessed...haiz. Tonight i will not attend the christmas celebration party....of the christian union. My sister needs to get to taekwondo training...since tomorrow she is taking the 2nd Dan exam....I better go train myself and do some warm up too...I want to spar tomorrow...and i hope i can up against some stranger, at least i need not to care about him failing the exam....ok, I can write whatever i want....i don't think i will really have all out at the juniors, I just can't do it...every time see them suffering or show sign of pain....damn, i will feel sorry. Should i have this feeling during sparring? I not sure...but i will try to be as cruel as possible...no more feelings...feel nothing....cheh...if only i can la! I am just a weakling after all....someone who has feeling...

Music fooling me

Was the window media player...alive? I had a list of songs which can last for 10 hours....and i had on the random play button...but why? Why all those songs?

非你莫属, 後來, 说好的幸福呢, 背叛

Why? Why even media player were fooling me around?

"People never know how special someone is until they leave, but maybe sometimes its important to leave, so they are given that chance to see how special that someone really is!"

I had understand....I will leave you for now....I guess that is what you want too.... It is really hard to be your best friend after splitting.... I will try to not disturb you from today now on. But do remember whenever you need someone to talk...or someone to go to...or someone that can share a secret or anything...I am here :) The line between best friend and boyfriend is just too thin... I am doing what your previous guy friend doing...but, different person do have different story isn't it? I had accept that fact.... Love is something that can easily turned into your strength or weakness... It is just so risky.... Once i will do whatever thing for it....it gives me unlimited strength and motivation... but now? everything have to do with it....can just easily pierce through my heart.... Those happy memories...though are sweet....can still inflict critical damage at times. I went back to Taylor's today... Choon Yon stupidly mentioned about how he and me used to talk about you and i.... I went back to our...'usual place'. All the memories rushed through my mind.... I took a few pictures of it....by using Cy phones.... Thanks Cy for that. I knew the reasons you strongly protested my decision to take down this pictures..but you allowed in the end, i guessed you understood my inner feelings....and that this pictures...even though...are just plain...but by looking at it just brings back everything.....It is kind of a video player...but only to me....