Torturous holiday

What is this lives?!! All trials all together then all in the sudden mad of nothing to do?....after busy for entire week...i am now actually have lost all my motivation and in a lost to find something to do. I guess i have too much time and that is very dangerous as i will always think a lot and believe me....when i think a lot...there will always only one outcome and that is always a negative one. Almost every dream was crushed. From the championship to the trial.... really i can't be helped then. Maybe really...there isn't suppose to be a dream for me... perhaps i am just don't deserve to have any. Perhaps i am just over confident as always...always think that i can did well, i am good enough but always ended in a opposite end..... the results always serve a sole purpose- to bring me back to earth!!! I guess i really have to be a bit realistic....