I was in the plane...on my way to melbourne...and for all that 8 hours...I did nothing...nothing except reading a book about success...and closing my eyes...recalling those memories. It was sweet....and pain... That 8 hours...were so long to pass...
So...if 8 hours in a plane was long...what about 8 hours later on in a quiet...melbourne airport? I was walking around...lying around and constantly visited MacD. For more than 5 hours i was lying on a long chair...staring at the wide ceiling...well...again..thinking back what had happened in this past month....and well...probably what had happened in this past few months as well... Whenever i think about that... I would feel sad...heartbreaking you could say... Those time would not be back... Yet...it had always been at this time of loneliness...that she will always be there for me...which...now...no more....
I thought of messaging her...but a lot of questions going through my mind... I was confused...I don't know if i should do that... Now...even after reaching my accommodation...I guess it will be very very hard to forget about her...even if she was never in fenner...but those 4 months back... She was the one giving me encouragement whenever I was feeling down and sad. Mentally as much as anything...I always feel that she was right beside me....
In the melbourne airport...I looked like the only one wearing the mask after checking in the domestic flight...Everyone looking at me... some teens even trying to make fun of it by sneezing and coughing heavily... I ignored them... again...memories of the mask thingy came into my mind... 'selfish'...'too selfish'.... those words whispering at my ears... I really can't take it anymore... Alone in a huge airport for a total of 8 hours... fighting off those sarcastic looks...funny looks showed by the children... now... I even had to constantly fighting off those whisper...This is exhausting... this was mentally demanding... and i don't even know if I can do anything about it...
Right now...this accommodation...looks so different... I don't feel at home anymore.... The room that I live in...though the setting and all the decoration is still the same...I just feel that it is never going to be the same anymore... For all the reasons... I know...this time... I am going to survive alone... There will be no more of supporting from her anymore.... It is not easy to adjust to it... or at least now...I still fail to do so...
Feeling helplessly...I don't know what should I do now... I keep thinking and thinking...about the same old memories....
It is... so sweet...yet so pain...
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