Another sleepless night

I wonder....How long it takes for me to fall asleep...forever...? I had a memory of me being sent to hospital after A sleepless night...now i have been through just 6 hours of sleep for 3 days...another new record...and 2 sleepless night in 3 days time...and...why am I still blogging here instead of just popping up some white foam and sent to hospital instead...It is now a torture to be at home...or in my room...or go anywhere to shop or watch movie...or even going back to Australia...Love can be a sweet thing when you are in love...but turned into a torturous one if you are not... Everywhere has her shadow...how can I even possibly not thinking of her...The moment i open my laptop pop her face there or open my wallet and there she is or even just scan through my phone...there you have it...I know i can change my all those picture...but i don't want to change it...

She said lets be friend...yet she is ignoring me now like a total stranger...a friend is cruel enough for me...now total ignorance as though I am a stranger...well...what else can i say...

Yesterday I have plenty of durian... Guess what? At night when my dad touched my forehead...he was shocked and scared....He said that I was actually icy cool...sorry...I should say...I am icy cool...Even after having durian...Even after yet another sleepless night which should have makes body feel heaty...I am still icy cool...My body homeostasis must has dyfunctions....

Haha...and even though I am functional enough to still walk and laugh around...I have limit in energy...and lack of power and fitness...I could no longer cope with the taekwondo training even though the Sunday training i thought was rather light...i could no longer have any strength to fight back when I was overpowered by someone in the other night...haha I really couldn't do anything much now...

One thing!!! It is not like I want to torture myself by not sleeping...I want to sleep too...I don't want to worry of myself...I don't want to feel useless of not being able to do things like how i used to...I don't want all my friends to worry about me too...yet...I have no idea of what is going on in my body right now... Sometimes i don't even know what am i doing... I can just be at a spot at a time...and then... poom!!! i am at another spot...almost like a blink of an eye...it is like telepot....being able to perform telepot would be cool...yet i know...this ain't cool at all...I was wondering what was going on...and i know very well what is the best fit conclusion for that...

This is so funny...now i have no interest in most things now...or maybe don't have enough energy or concentration to do those...I have no more energy for gym exercise now....I have no more concentration to play PS2 now...or even if i play...i have to close my eyes now and again....I really hate myself for being a weak person right now... This isn't the image i want to potray despite my appearance...Nevermind that...i want to go brush my teeth and see what i can do later...feeling uncomfortable again...though it is completely normal...for not sleeping entire night...icy cool body...what does that means...does that mean that even my body is giving me indication I should be icy cool? Or that my energy level is so low that cell metabolic rate has gone low...and so release less amount of heat....phew...i can still think scientifically...not bad huh? well...i just hope an icy cool body will indicate that i will have a sleep soon...forever? I don't think so...I am not that person to die after something bad happen...I don't want others to think of me as a weakling... Forever love...?.... I don't even want to think of that anymore... NO MORE... I need to remind myself to BE MYSELF even in a relationship... I have got to be realistic...yea realistic... NO MORE DREAM LAND and....CERTAINLY!!! NO MORE WHAT LALA LAND* ANYMORE!!!


* Lala land is given from my friend- Xue Ni...it means that in another world...mostly used to describe someone who is so happy that he or she is in his or her dreamland...