Farewell...Buddy

Today evening, we planned to have our birthday celebration for Tze Sin, Chung Guan and Chong Tat. Surprisingly, Tze Sin's possible-boyfriend was there too, and thus, completed our group of six including Siok Kim and me. We went to Port Klang to have a seafood dinner. The lala soup wasn't that bad, the unagi fish and the lala fried mee hun were both great as well. Then came our main course-2 plate of crabs and a 0.5kg birthday cake. Omg!!! haha... yeah, that was my first impression when we looked at the dishes and also when we somehow managed to finish the whole meal. Holy crab, i guessed i had grew fatter by few kg just with this dinner alone... with no exercise at all for today... this will be a unhealthy day... However, at least this possibly farewell dinner was a complete one... everyone was here. I thought this might be boring, and that i might not really missed them... I guessed i was wrong after all, i missed them, everyone of them. Not only that, i missed other good friends of 5S3. The normal routines of bbq set up by the 5S3 was always such a sweet and memorable memories. I missed the librarian gang...long time they didn't ask me out d... haha... well the girls might have been busy with their respective high school and college life. Everyone is going on separately, this time... I will not follow other peoples' way. For once i will choose my own path...the path of Adelaide! Whether or not i will meet anyone of my friends there...I do not care....that is me...Chen Caesar! As cold-hearted and hot-headed as ever!!!

Malaysia's Pride still...Chong Wei

Chong Wei just lost in a one-sided match against super Dan. Well, Lin Dan was brilliant for the entire match, and much to the delight of the massive China fans. Chong Wei on the other hand, had been troubled by Dan's lightning smack, unforced error and the pressure of landing Malaysia the first gold medal. I heard a lot of people had cursed and teased Chong Wei's terrible performance in the final, and thought it was too harsh for Chong Wei. He had done so much for Malaysia, when he performed well, everyone seemed to treat him well... And just when he failed rather rarely, the whole Malaysia which suppose to be backing him up, was now very much against him. Pitiful, or actually shameful of Malaysia. I knew the match ended in the most boring and dreadful way for all the Malaysians, and eventually crushed all hope that Chong Wei might landed the first gold medal for Malaysia. Still, considering that Chong Wei managed to equal the best result of Malaysia's achievement in Olympic; it wasn't such a failure after all. It will be a huge betrayal of Malaysians if at this moment, turn their backs against him. And then, there will be worst to come, the end for the Malaysia's badminton single.... Do not forget!!! Chong Wei is up against the best of the best.... He has to face all the best alone, with no help of his teammates to back him up, to clear the path for him; he is always independent, full of courage....and thus, deserved to be congratulate and console no matter what happen......

Secret strike in progress

Preparing for the sparring championship on national day, i had thought of a great kick...actually it was just a normal kick but after looking at some video, i planned to master it before the tournament kick-start. I still doubt the ability of me using it but i will try my best to work on that secret kick and try to aim for higher target as well as making myself kicked quicker. Just hope that i will manage to learn it since it has incredible power and range...that is ... of course, if i do it correctly. Damn, tomorrow is physic exam and i am still struggling with it. Serious speaking, i really hate anything that has to do with math; it gives me headache somehow. Oh ya, after the university placement day on last Saturday, i guess i will most probably going to Adelaide of Australia. Both the university of my interest is there- University of Adelaide and Flinders University. I know most people should know nothing about these 2 university... even i don't know at first. But these 2 are the 8 and 9th best university in Australia, and the environment is quite nice too. Just hope i will be able to get a TER of at least...like 76 so i would not have any trouble entering those university....

Down, up then fall again....

Today, i got a terrible result for math studies... It was like a slap, no no, should be a few thousands of slap on my face! Rejected, I found my way home alone. I walked slowly without any motivation to catch the possible-coming train, paying no attention and was day dreaming. So, i ended up looking at the train passed by in front of me. It was some sort of my scenario.... not working hard and ended up being a trash...again! I went to the Friday training and thought i needed some whack from my seniors as well as Master Tan. I did get some chopping kick on my face and some kick on my wrest pad. Even my left foot had almost bleed and my right foot's thumb ( correct me if i am wrong) also in pain due to a possible twist or maybe fractured bones. The training before the sparring session drained me up quickly and for a moment, i thought i might not be able to continue it. While sparring with 3 black-belt-seniors, it was great but nothing could be better than sparring with my master ( Master Tan ). He was clearly not giving 100%, probably just 50%, but still i got scared and sometimes unable to dodge his kicks; chopping kicks especially. After Master Tan managed to score, I replied with a smile, and tried to reply with an attempt to score right back; though normally fall flat. Still, just fighting with him made me felt so excited that i truly enjoyed every moment of me getting some whack from him. After i fell over as a result of his chopping kick, i stood back right on and continued and fell again... I knew i stood no chance against him, but that didn't matter. The most important thing was that only against all this guys (senior and master) that i can went all out, that i can had fear, that i can fell down, that i had to adjust my head gear after a chopping kick.... in Chung Hwa? Don't ever think about it. They were simply grinning over each other just because any of them can had a clear kick of me once.... They were simply no fun at all compared to the seniors.... I would rather be beaten into pieces and fall and had to find myself to stand back, than to deal with a bunch of... kid!

A Failure....I am

I had no idea why suddenly i am filled with all kinds of sad emotions. Every sad memories crush out of my inner heart.... from deep down of my heart....the darkness....The fearful memories and I hold my tears... I am not crying now.... not until i crush my failures.....myself!!! The time roll back to the way way back, to the moment i was just form 1.... I was forced to transfer to Penang as my father was transferred there. I was powerlessly and helplessly accepted the decision, though i argued that i can lived here alone... I was unable to convince my parents and the moment i walked out of my class...i failed to let them knew about it...and the moment they knew, tears were shed, i could do nothing, nothing really, but comfort them. I cried after i left the school....I was unable to stop them from being sad...total failure. The time dimension move ahead.... It was some period in form 2, i was hurt by a couple-one was my good friend and another was the one i admired back then... I realized that friendship was not something to fully believed it; friends were just some tools. The period of form 2 to form 3, my mum was robbed in front of house. I personally saw it... helpless and powerless i was back then.... Mum and sister screaming for help.... I cried that night of my powerlessness. Form 5, i loss in sparring competition. Failure, failure and yet another failure!!!! I was just a useless piece of shit. Thats why i decided to join taekwondo.... not actually to protect myself... instead my objective was to protect my family, all my loved ones.... And this sparring competition will provide me the perfect stage for me to show that i am no more a failure! I will stand as the winner, at the place i fell humiliatingly last year. I will be cruel, heartless whatever as long as i win it....People can call me as a cheater by trying to cut down weight to compete at a lower category, but that won't stop me still. My will to win the gold medal is now more than anything, and i would do whatever, from training to diet to gym training to cruel bull fighting. I want to pick myself up from the garbage bin....It has been long in there...time to fight back... like a man, no tears don't cry! If want to protect someone, then just protect...get rid of those blocking your way...even throw yourself to the front line....and face it with guts! Fear no one but yourself!!! Kill no one but the enemy!!! When you have complete your task, no one will question you ever again.... and you are then the hero from the zero!!!

Backfired

On Sunday i didn't have the normal breakfast. I thought that since that day i were to weight in for the sparring championship, it was best if i cut down my food and drinks to cut my weight to the lowest possible. It as my title of post suggested... backfired somehow. I only had a roti kosong for the whole breakfast and i did take only 2 cubical small sponge cake before my training. I was suffering in the taekwondo training but i hold on firmly. What made that day totally not worthed it was the fact that i failed to lower my weight, and the worst part of all was i suffered a terrible gastric. Vomit and headache were all i felt that time. Headache was mainly due to the fact that i only had few sips of water i guessed; it couldn't be helped back then. I felt weak and my vision was blurred. And physically as well as mentally, i was very very exhausted and i took a long nap. Still, the whole night i seemed restless and tired. In the end, i could not revise for my math exam on the next day. I would not made it an excuse though, because i knew deep down in my heart, even if i did revise, it just might not worked out. Anyway, i went to school on Monday too, after some long thinking being done; somehow i made that decision. I thought i had fully recovered, wrong wrong... I was still damn tired, probably due to the fact that i had a dreamless night. After i took my lunch, suddenly i felt a sense of sickness. Something seems to roll in my stomach and i felt like... throwing out!!! I managed to find a toilet in the hawker center and vomited in it. I felt better then but it clearly shown that i was still sick and thus would had to watch over what i am going to eat in this next few days.

I'll will find my way

Well, it might be a bit late to comment about Thursday training and Saturday one as well but nevertheless at least i did it in the end. Thursday training surprisingly, had Stars cameraman to take pictures of us. I had no idea at all about it until Master Lim told us about that. The worst part came when my opponent... Calvin, or Kelvin or watever "-vin" la try to chop me and the leg left hanging above my head after i somehow blocked it, or perhaps he just simply let me escape ( the latter seems to be more reasonable i know ). The cameraman took a whole film of pictures at this time and i was thinking "holy shit , this was really embarrassing". Saturday training though, was nothing a threat to me. Ego, wasn't i? I meant that all three opponents really weren't forcing me to fight at all, at least i didn't felt anything.....Wait a minute,... maybe i did felt something... I felt quite easy ^^ haha. Alright, guessed you all will be sick of my arrogant attitude. Fine enough, I guessed i will continued to put on more weight on my legs, somehow i felt my legs were heavier and inflicted more damages to my opponent than before... And somehow i couldn't even had full control on it. Whatever it was, i was rather pleased with my performances of legs after attending more gym exercises. I will add more weight and my target... is that no one can easily survive even they block my kick with their arms.....haha...hope it's possible though. ^^